



' W l >. ■ 


IfHr 


V'.v,:' rv^yj 


SCENERY 


.■With a view to obviate, m far as possible, the great difficulty' 
amateurs experience in obteimng scenery, we have endeavoured to 
cope with the situation by providing 

Strong- Lithographed' Paper 


which can be easily mounted on canvas or calico (as canvas is so 
expensive at present), and then framed on woodwork. As all amateurs 
wiD or buying painted canvas 

scenery is very considerable, but by priikm& large quantities we can 
sell outright at a rate comparing favourably with that usually charged 
for the., HIRE of pdlhtdi.. canvas scenery...:. 

The primary object we have had in view has been to provide 
scenery which* by easy adjustmeni and additional eheet3 of litho- 


*wkm 


graphed' .papef, can be made to nt any reasonable size of stage; 


Airy question on the subject of our scenery will be 
gladly and promptly answered, and if the particulars of 
your stage—-the height, the width, and depth, together 
with the position in which you require the doors, fireplace, 
or windows—are forwarded, we will submit you an 
esthnatd of the cost, either for the paper alone or mounted 
on calico. 

The framework of wood can be very easily constructed 
by any local carpenter or can be supplied by us. We 
shall be pleased to quote prices upon receiving details. 


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We de not send Scenery on Hire 




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. sent gratis on application. ' ; : 


\Turn to next page of cover . 











ANOTHER PAIR OF 
SPECTACLES 

A Farce in One Act 


BY 

VICTOR BRIDGES 


Copyright, 1923, by Samuel French, Ltd. 



All rights reserved 


London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 
Publishers 

26 Southampton Street 
STRAND, W.C.2 


New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 
Publisher 

28 WEST 38TH STREET 



PRiz73 
•Z<=j 


The fee for each and every representation of this play by 
amateurs is One Guinea, payable in advance to :— 

Messrs. Samuel French, Ltd., 

26 Southampton Street, 

Strand, London, W.C.2, 

or their authorized representatives, who, upon payment of the 
fee, will issue a written permission for the performance to take 
place. 

No public performance may be given unless this written per¬ 
mission has first been obtained. 

Character costumes and wigs used in the performance of plays 
contained in French’s Acting Edition may be obtained from 
Messrs. Charles H. Fox, Limited, 27 Wellington Street, Strand, 
London, W.C.2. 


Made and Printed in Great Britain by Butler & Tanner, Frome and London 

©CI.D 65558 ^ 


SEP 22 id2o 



ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES 


CHARACTERS 

George Hastings. 
Eveleen, his Wife. 
Cripps, his Butler. 


Cur/a i fie d Mudoh'd 



The above plan indicates all the furniture which is essential. In addition there should be other pieces 

to make the room look comfortable. 



ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES 


Scene.-— A well-furnished dining-room in a small London 
house. Table in centre, at which Mr. George Hastings 
and Eveleen, his wife, in evening dress, are just con¬ 
cluding dinner. Fireplace on r. behind Mrs. Hastings’ 
chair. Fire burning. Above fireplace an easy-chair 
with an evening paper in it. Sideboard up l. The 
lights are pleasantly shaded. Some good sporting prints 
on walls. The whole atmosphere suggestive of philistinic 
comfort. 

(As curtain rises , Cripps, the butler, is removing bread¬ 
crumbs from the tablecloth.) 

George (a youngish, good-looking man, glances at his 
watch). What time does the bally thing start ? 

Eveleen (also young, pretty, and smartly gowned). 
I’m not sure. It will be in the paper, I suppose. (She 
glances round and sees paper in chair : makes a movement 
as if to reach for it. Cripps at once steps forward and, 
picking up the paper, hands it to her.) Oh, thank you, 
Cripps. (She opens it. Cripps goes to sideboard.) Now 
let’s see. Alhambra—Comedy-—Court-—Here we are— 
Lohengrin, eight o’clock ! 

George. It’s an unholy hour, isn’t it ? There’s no 
need for us to hurry, though. They always have a lot 
of music before the play actually begins. I suppose you 
don’t mind if we’re a bit late. 

Eveleen. Oh no, dear ! As long as we get there by 
the time the King and Queen arrive. 

(Cripps comes forward with the port.) 

George. You can bring in the coffee, Cripps. 

5 


6 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


(Cripps places the port on the table and exits.) 

George (whistling a musical comedy air, gets up, and r 
strolling to sideboard, picks up a box of cigars, which he 
opens ; he gives a slight start and turns). Oh, I say, hang 
it all! 

Eveleen. What’s the matter, dear ? 

George. This is a bit too thick ! 

{Lowers his voice.) That blighter, 

Cripps, has been pinching my cigars 
again. {Comes forward with the box in 
his hand.) There were ten here last 
night, because I counted them. Now 
look ! {Holds out box.) 

Eveleen {counting). One, two, 
three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 

He must have smoked two of them ! 

George {bitterly). One after break¬ 
fast and one after lunch. I expect 
he prefers a pipe at tea-time. 

Eveleen. It’s perfectly disgust¬ 
ing ! And what’s more, George, 1 
have a suspicion that he drinks the 
wine. {She picks up decanter.) 

George. I haven’t. I’m dead 
certain of it! 

Eveleen. But what are we to do ? 

George. Well, there you are. 

What can we do ? If we sack him 
and get another, it doesn’t follow 
we shall be any better off. Cripps 
only drinks and smokes. Goodness 
knows what the next chap may be 
up to. 

Eveleen. Couldn’t you say some¬ 
thing to him ? 

George. Oh yes, lots ! The trouble is that when 
you start accusing a man of stealing, you’ve got to have 
proof. 

Eveleen. But we know he did it! 




ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


7 


George. Legal proof, I mean. 

Eveleen. How ridiculous ! 

George. Yes, it does seem a bit unfair, doesn’t it ? 
Still, that’s neither here nor there. We’ve either got to 
catch him in the act or else surprise him into a confession. 

Eveleen (i despondently ). It would take a lot to 
surprise Cripps, I’m afraid. 

(A bell rings off.) 

George. What on earth’s that ? 

Eveleen. The taxi, I suppose. 

George. It can’t be the taxi. I haven’t ordered it 
yet. 

{Enter Cripps, carrying a small corded box.) 

Cripps {coming to l. of table and placing box upon it), 
A registered parcel for you, sir. {He presents receipt.) 

George (c., behind table, and getting out pencil). For 
me ! Now, who the devil can that be from ? {Signs.) 

{Exit Cripps with receipt.) 

(Eveleen passes over in front of the table and examines 
box. Suddenly claps her hands.) 

Eveleen. I know ! It’s those Chinese curiosities 
that Uncle Philip said he was sending us. Oh, do open 
it, George ! I’m dying to see what they are. 

George. Eight-ho ! {He goes to the sideboard and , 
returning with a table-knife, proceeds to saw at the cord. 
As he goes up Eveleen moves to c., behind table.) Just 
chuck us the poker, old thing, and I’ll soon have the 
lid off. 

(Eveleen fetches a small poker from the grate and hands 
it to him. He inserts it, and prises up the lid of the 
box.) 

Eveleen. How exciting ! I wonder if there’s any¬ 
thing we shall really like ! 

George (l. of table and pulling out a large piece of 
cotton-wool). There’s plenty of cotton-wool, at all 
events. Jolly useful if we happen to get earache. 


8 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


Hallo ! What’s this ! {He holds up a jade figure with a 
card tied to it.) 

Eveleen. Let’s see what’s written on the card. 
{She reads.) “ Jade figure of Tou Wang, a famous 
Chinese prophet of the Ming dynasty.” 

George. He looks a downy old bird, doesn’t he ? 
I wish he’d give us the winner of the Cambridgeshire. 

Eveleen. Oh, hurry up, George ! I want to see 
what else there is. 

George {holding up a string of amber beads, reads). 
“ Amber beads, a very holy relic taken from the statue 
of Buddha during the Boxer rebellion at Hang Chow.” 

Eveleen {taking them). Aren’t they sweet! They’ll 
just go beautifully with my new fancy dress ! 

{Enter Cripps with coffee. He moves in front of table to 
r. side of Eveleen, who is c. behind table). 

George. What have we got now ? By Jove ! A 
pair of spectacles ! {Holds up a pair of very big horn¬ 
rimmed spectacles.) 

Eveleen ( helping herself to coffee). Is there anything 
about them ? 

George {reading card). “ The identical spectacles 
worn by Ho-Sing-Lee, a Chinese magician of great repute 
in the eighteenth century. It is said that by their aid he 
was able to see into the past life of anyone with whom he 
was conversing.” 

(Cripps, moving in front of table to l. side of George,. 
hands him the coffee.) 

George. I say, that’s a bit stiff, isn’t it ? 

Eveleen. He must have had an awfully interesting 
life—if there’s any truth in it. 

George. Absolute bally rot, of course ! What do' 
you think, Cripps ? 

Cripps. I should hesitate to go as far as that, sir. I 
halways endeavour to keep an open mind on these 
subjects. There is no doubt that some Eastern persons 
possess very remarkable psychic powers. {He moves up 
to place the tray on the sideboard .) 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


9 


(Eveleen and Georoe both look after him with a kind of 
half-humorous surprise. Eveleen moves to arm-chair. 
Suddenly George, who is fingering the spectacles, gets an 
idea. In great excitement he comes to and nudges 
Eveleen, points to the spectacles, and then to Cripps’ 
back. Gives an idea in pantomime of what he is about 
to do.) 

George. We can easily find out, anyway. (Puts 
the spectacles on.) 

Eveleen. You look exactly like Mark Hambourg. 

(Cripps turns round from sideboard.) 

George. Now for the great experiment. {He wheels 
suddenly round and faces Cripps. Eveleen watches 
him with suppressed amusement.) 

{For a moment the two men face each other. Then suddenly 
George gives a violent start.) 

George. Good heavens ! 

Eveleen. What is it ? 

Cripps. What’s the matter, sir ? 

George. Cripps, you’ve been smoking my cigars ! 

(Cripps staggers back and clutches the sideboard. He 
makes an effort as though about to deny it, but George 
breaks in again.) 

George. It’s no use tryin’ to deny it, Cripps ! I can 
see you plainly. You are sittin’ in the pantry after 
breakfast. You put your hand into your inside pocket. 
You pull out two cigars. One of them you lay aside 
for after lunch. You cut the other very carefully. 
You shove it into your mouth. You light it. It is one 
of my half-crown Cabanas ! {Wipes his forehead.) 

Eveleen. This is marvellous ! George, let me have 
those spectacles for a moment. 

(With a prodigious wink George hands them to Eveleen. 
She puts them on, crosses in front of George, and faces 
the unfortunate Cripps, who is still clutching the side¬ 
board.) 


10 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


Cripps. I assure you, sir—— 

Eveleen. Cripps! You’ve been drinking the 
wine ! 

(Cripps, who is just stepping forward again, collapses 
into his former position.) 

Eveleen. I can see you at the sideboard. You are 
bending down and opening the cupboard.. You take out 



a decanter. You fill a glass-—a large glass, Cripps. You 
drink it! It is our port! 

George. Eight-and-sixpence a bottle, and swiggin’ it 
by the tumbler ! 

Eveleen ( reproachfully ). This is very distressing to 
me, Cripps. I did think that you could be trusted. If 
it hadn’t been for these spectacles I should never have 
dreamed that you were dishonest. ( Places spectacles on 
table.) 

Cripps. Eeally, madam, I- 










ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


11 


Eveleen. I will leave Mr. Hastings to speak to you. 
(To George.) I am going upstairs to put on my 
cloak, George. Don’t forget the taxi. 

(She crosses to the door and exits.) 

(George takes up a commanding position in front of the 

fire and clears his throat. Looks sternly at Cripps.) 

George. Well, Cripps, what have you got to say 
for yourself ? 

Cripps (somewhat recovering from the first shock). I 
can only observe, sir, that these haccusations are ex¬ 
tremely painful. It is the first time in the whole of my 
professional career in which my-—er-—hona fides has 
been called in question. 

George. That’s all very well, Cripps ; but there’s no 
getting away from the facts, is there ? We can’t both 
of us have been wrong—what ? I thought the whole 
thing was a yarn when I first read the card, but, as you 
yourself said, some of these Eastern jossers possess a 
very remarkable thingumy-bob. 

Cripps (in front of sideboard). May I inquire, sir, 
what steps you propose to take in the matter % 

George (loftily). Well, I don’t want to deal too 
hardly with you, Cripps. You’ve been a good servant 
in most ways, and I suppose if I was to give you the sack 
you’d find it devilish difficult to get another place— 
what ? (He knocks off the end of his cigar into the fire¬ 
place.) I tell you what it is, Cripps. I’ll do the sportin’ 
thing by you. I’ll let you have another chance. 

Cripps. You are very kind, sir. 

George (moving up the room and back again). All the 
same, something’s got to be settled about this business. 
(Nods towards the sideboard.) You’ve been helpin’ 
yourself to my wine and cigars, and you’ll jolly well 
have to pay for it! I know what I shall do. I shall 
stop your wages for a month ! 

Cripps (coming forward c. to behind table). I suppose, 
sir, there can’t be any mistake with regard to those 
spectacles ? 

George. Mistake ! What do you mean ? 


12 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


Cripps. There’s no doubt, sir, that they’re the 
genuine harticle ? (Fingers them.) 

George. I should jolly well think so ! You’ve had 
a pretty good example of the way they work. 

Cripps. Yes, sir. It was most interesting and 
remarkable. (Picks them up.) I wonder, now, if you’ll 
excuse me, sir. (Puts them on.) 



George. Here! I say, what the devil are you 
doing, Cripps ? 

Cripps (staring at George). Good ’eavens ! 

George (behind Eveleen’s chair). Have you gone 
mad ? 

Cripps. I can see you in such a funny place, sir ! 
It looks like the lift of an hotel. There’s a lady with 
you, sir-—a young lady, with red hair. 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 13 

George. R-r-red hair ! 

Cripps. Halmost scarlet, sir. You’re getting out 
now, and you’ve taken her arm. You’re walking along 
a passage. There’s a halcove. You’re—you’re kissing 
the lady——- 

George. Shut up, you fool! {He dashes across the 
stage and plants his hack against the door; pauses.) 
I say, Cripps, who on earth told you about this ? 

Cripps. No one, sir. I just seen it through the 
spectacles. {Takes them off and lays them on table.) 

George. Good lord ! {He collapses against the door.) 

Cripps. I’m afraid it will be my duty to inform the 
mistress, sir ! 

George. What! I say, Cripps, you wouldn’t do a 
dirty thing like that ! 

Cripps. Well, sir, I—— 

George. Of course, I was only joking about stopping 
your wages for a month. You don’t suppose I really 
grudge you an occasional cigar or a glass of port. Hang 
it all! Everyone feels thirsty at times ! 

Cripps. Quite so, sir. 

George. Live and let live, Cripps—-eh, what ? 

Cripps. A very good motto, sir! 

George. The whole affair can be easily settled. It’s- 
only just a question of making your peace with Mrs. 
Hastings. She’s very fond of you, Cripps—thinks the 
world of you really. Just tell her you’re sorry—sudden 
temptation—you know the sort of thing. 

Cripps. Yes, sir. I think I’ve got the idea all right. 

George. Hush! She’s coming! Now’s your chance, 
Cripps. 

(George moves away from door. Enter Eveleen.) 

George. Ah ! There you are, darling ! I say, you 
look top-hole ! What a rippin’ cloak ! 

Eveleen. I’m so glad you like it. Have you 
spoken to Cripps, George ? 

George. Oh yes—yes—we—we’ve had it out 
together. (Eveleen crosses over to fireplace. George 
makes a sign to Cripps.) He’s frightfully sorry, you 


14 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


know, and all that sort of thing. In fact, I think he’d 
like to tell yon so himself. I'll just pop along to the 
’phone and order the taxi. ( He makes another sign to 
Cripps and exits.) 

Eveleen (turning and speaking with great dignity). I 
was pleased to hear what Mr. Hastings said, Cripps. 
If you are sorry for your conduct, if your conscience is 
really troubling you, it is just possible that I might be 
prepared to overlook the matter. 

Cripps (c., behind table). You are very kind, madam. 

Eveleen ( sitting in arm-chair). I hope you will 
appreciate it, and I hope, too, that this painful affair 
will be a lesson to you for the rest of your life. When 
you do wrong, Cripps, it’s never any use trying to conceal 
it. Sooner or later the truth is bound to come out. 

Cripps. It would certainly appear so, madam. 

Eveleen {warming her hands and warming to her 
theme at the same time). As my grandmother used to 
say : “ Providence has its own ways of working.” It is 
quite possible that these spectacles were sent to us for 
this special purpose. 

Cripps. I shouldn’t be surprised, madam. {He puts 
them on and looks at Eveleen, who has half turned 
away towards the fire.) 

Eveleen. You can see for yourself, Cripps - 

Cripps. Good ’eavens ! 

Eveleen {turning sharply round). What! 

Cripps {at the side of the arm-chair). It can’t be true ! 

Eveleen. What can’t be true ? 

Cripps. I seem to see you in such a funny position, 
madam. 

Eveleen {rising). What do you mean ? What are 
you talking about ? 

Cripps. You’re lying back in a chair in a kind of 
conservatory. There’s a young gentleman with you—a 
tall, good-looking young gentleman, not a bit like Mr. 
’A stings. 

Evele en. Cripps ! 

Cripps. I think you must have been dancing to¬ 
gether, because you’re both sort of flushed and excited. 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


15 


He’s bending over you, madam—he’s holding your 
hand. 

Eveleen. Hush! Hush ! 

Cripps. He’s coming nearer to you. He’s kissing 
you ! 

Eveleen. Stop ! Stop ! For Heaven’s sake don’t 
speak so loud. (She crosses stage hastily and listens at 
door. Faces Cripps.) Cripps, you’ve been spying on 
me ! 

Cripps. Certainly not, madam. I’d scorn the 
haction ! 

(He moves in front of the table to down l.c.) 

Eveleen. Then—then how did you know ? 

Cripps. It seemed to come to me when I looked 
through the spectacles. 

Eveleen (intensely agitated). The spectacles! It 
must be true, then, after all! (Feverishly.) Listen, 
Cripps, you—you’ve got hold of quite the wrong idea. 
It was all a mistake ! He mistook me for somebody 
else ! 

Cripps. Yes, madam. He looked rather a careless 
sort of gentleman. 

Eveleen. And yet, if a thing like that came out it 
might ruin one’s whole life. 

Cripps (sympathetically). I know, madam. I had a 
very narrow escape myself once. 

Eveleen (clasping her hands). I can’t imagine what 
I should do if anyone were to tell Mr. Hastings. 

Cripps (gallantly). As a man of honour, madam, I 
should never dream of betraying a lady’s confidence. 

Eveleen. No, no, I’m sure you wouldn’t! I 
always thought you had nice feelings. (She pauses.) 
And—and, Cripps, if you’re so fond of cigars, why, of 
course, you must have them. I’ll buy you a couple of 
boxes myself. 

Cripps (hastily). Thank you, madam ; but if it’s 
all the same to you, I think I’d prefer to choose 
them. 

Eveleen. You shall, Cripps, you shall] I- 


16 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


{She starts and crosses over to the fireplace.) There's Mr. 
Hastings. Yon go away for a moment. I’m almost sure 
I can persuade him to forgive you. 

Cripps. I shouldn’t be surprised, madam. 

[Enter George. He glances apprehensively from 
Eveleen to Cripps.) 

George. I—I’ve rung up 
for a taxi. It’s just com¬ 
ing. 

Eveleen. Thank you, 
darling. [To Cripps.) Just 
go and get my bag, will 
you, Cripps. I left it in the 
drawing-room. 

[Exit Cripps.) 

George (c., in front of 
table, nervously). Been—been 
givin’ him beans—whaf ? 

Eveleen. I didn’t like 
to be too hard on him, dear. 

He seems awfully sorry for 
what he’s done. 

George. Yes, I noticed 
that. 

Eveleen. And when 
people really repent, George, 
don’t you think that we 
ought to try and forgive 
-them ? 

George. Bather! Just 
my notion! 

Eveleen. We’re all human. Any of us might 
make a mistake. 

George [with enthusiasm). That’s exactly what I 
always say. [Pauses, then adds, in a half-ashamed sort of 
voice.) You know, old thing, you really are a bit of 
-an angel. I’m not half good enough for you ! 









ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


17 


Eveleen. Don’t say that, George. You’re—you’re 
a perfect dear ! (She comes up to him and puts her arms 
round him.) You do love me, don’t you ? 

George (hugging her). You bet I do ! 

Eveleen. And you’ve never cared for anyone but 
me ? 

George (firmly). Never ! 

Eveleen. And I’ve never cared for anyone but 
you. 

George. Rippin’! 

(They hiss each other. A held rings off.) 

Eveleen (disengaging herself). That must be the 
taxi. Oh, George, you haven’t rumpled my hair, have 
you % 

George. Not a rump ! You look top-hole ! 

(Enter Cripps.) 

Cripps. The taxi is at the door, madam. 

(Eveleen moves over towards the door. George crosses 

to fireplace and throws the stump of his cigar into the 

fire.) 

Eveleen (hastily aside to Cripps). Don’t worry, 
Cripps. I’ve arranged everything. 

Cripps. You are very kind, madam. 

(Exit Eveleen.) 

George (recrosses stage). It’s all right, Cripps. I’ve 
fixed it up for you. 

Cripps. You are very good, sir. (Prepares to 
follow.) 

George. You needn’t trouble. We can see our¬ 
selves into the taxi. 


(Exit George, closing door behind him.) 


IS 


ANOTHER PAIR OF SPECTACLES. 


(Cripps comes to table, automatically helps himself to a 
cigar and 'pours out a glass of port.) 

Cripps. It ain’t often one backs two winners in one 
day! (Drinks.) 

Curtain. 








The Plays of A. A. MILNE 

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edition, 2s. 6 d. 

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Mi 


Continued from second page of coter. . 

SCENERY 

Our stook of scenery consists ol i-—. 

The Oak Chamber Scene 

This scene will be found suitable for the purpose of an 
ordinary interior in nearly all plays requiring a room 
which is not representing a drawing-room,...k’itoheh or a 
very poverty-stricken type of room. The kind of furniture 
used in it will naturally do much to inehcafe the status 
of the people inhabiting it. 

The Grey Pane! Scene / 

In place of oak panelling the scene is made up of paper 
representing grey wood panelling. 

The Drawing-fieom Chamber 

This scene has been prepared with the same object in 
view—the increase in both height and width according 
to requirements. The panel here is of. a distinctive 
design, •' '. 

An Exterior Back Scene in Two Sixes 

Tree Wings for the Exterior Scene: 

A Tree for erecting in th« mid-portion 
of a Stage 

The Exterior of a House 

Consisting of. exterior doors, windows and stonework to 
be made up to any size required. 

Pillars and Friese for Proscenium. 

LandscapeBackings 
Shuts of Foliage 
Fireplaces 
Street Piece ' 

Interior VHndow and Interior Boor 
FULLY ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE 

sent gratis on application to SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd,, 26 
Southampton Street, Strand, W.C.2 ; or 28 West 33tti Street, 
New York; City, U.SA. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 


014 432 744 5 










































